[Hello Lonely]
There are two types of Lonely
Where you are all alone and you feel alone
When you are around other people but you still feel alone
I think type two is worse but I want to talk about type one.
Loneliness is one of the Dirty 3 that silently plague our culture here in America but are rarely openly talked about (Loneliness, Depression, Anxiety).
They aren’t talked about because you don’t want to be that person at a dinner party, or the buzzkill in your friend group. But they are real. And they are felt.
Recently I have been feeling super lonely and it’s one of those things that keeps you in this repetitive cycle.
a) You feel lonely
b) You want people to feel sorry for you / You listen to music which reinforces your feelings of loneliness
c) You isolate yourself
d) You compulsively go on social media until you feel WAY more lonely
e) Then you watch Netflix then go to bed. Cycle begins next time you begin to feel lonely.
I hate it, but at the same time I secretly enjoy something about it that I can’t put my finger on. It reminds me of when I was in college and since I didn’t drink until I was 21 I would spend most weekend nights by myself in my dorm room or driving around LA until I got lost. Then I would use the freeways to find my way back to the place I lived but honestly didn’t feel like I belonged. I would blast music which made me feel free and frustrated at something that was in the way of me and me finding a group of people that I could really, truly connect with. I remember during these moments thinking to myself how interesting it would be if my life were secretly a reality tv show like the Jim Carrey movie where everyone is watching him 24/7. I’d laugh to myself as the rushing wind blew through my hair and then I’d turn up the music as I sped a little faster past the speed limit.
Loneliness. It makes me think, how many people feel it but don’t want to admit it.
Loneliness. It makes me think, how many people have been trapped in it for years and years and years.
Loneliness. It makes me think, the Beatles spoke truth when they said “All the lonely people where do they all come from?"
Loneliness. Hello, I won’t deny you. I will acknowledge you. But I won’t get comfortable with you again. Because I know my true self is found in community.
May your love be strong,
Joey